This year, Anti-bullying week runs between the 14th– 18th November 2022.  In a previous Anti-bullying week, we highlighted  the silent suffering of children of prisoners and the physical and emotional impact of bullying. This year, as its theme is reaching out, we want to focus our attention on noticing the signs of bullying, and steps you can take to deal with it.

Bullying can be detrimental to a someone’s life. It can have a lasting impact for the victim, both physically and psychologically, and it can take years to unravel and heal from such an experience. Many children who have been bullied, carry the trauma into their adulthood, which further impacts their growth, relationships and self-esteem. 

In the past, if you were bullied, then it would often be dismissed as ‘a part of growing up.’ There was a stigma attached to reaching out for help, especially among young boys and men. However, this attitude to bullying further exacerbates the problem, and were it to still be prevalent today, even more lives would have been ruined and lost because of bullying. We have come a long way in understanding bullying and seeing the disastrous effects of young children and adults, but there remains a lot of work to do be done.

It is important that we are all are doing our bit to protect those around us, within our own homes and those within our care. Although we may be busy with our everyday lives, and juggling various responsibilities, checking-in with our children about how they are doing, and whether they are aware of what bullying is and whether they have experienced it is critical. Sometimes it isn’t clear cut, and it may be difficult to spot the signs.

Check to see the signs

Your child may not come directly to you to say they are being bullied. If they do, then it’s a step in a right direction and you can deal with it directly. However, there are signs which you can look out for to notice signs of bullying.

  • Keep an eye out to see if your child’s behaviour changes when they return or go to school. Do they seem more withdrawn?
  • Are they anxious about school before heading in? Keep an eye out on whether are making excuses to stay at home or miss a day.
  • Check to see if there are any unexplained marks or bruises on them
  • Has their school work changed? Are they struggling to keep focused or has concern been flagged by their school-teacher.

Although these signs may be pointers towards other issues your child may be facing, they also are indicators of potential bullying. The main thing is to be aware of your child’s mood and physical-wellbeing in regards to how they are at home, and when going or returning from school.

Educate them on bullying

Even if you do not suspect your child is being bullied, it’s important to have an open dialogue about bullying, to help them understand it more, and equip them with the tools so that they can reach out for help, and deal with it.

You know your child best, so how you approach this would be entirely up to you, however there are suggestions on how to have a discussion with them which prompt an open and honest conversation, rather than a forced discussion. If you are talking to a younger child, then you can ease them into the conversation with the help of prompts. You can do this with a picture book, or a show that discusses bullying. Read or watch it together, and then ask your child questions regarding the scenario. Prompts could be:

  • How does watching/reading this make you feel?
  • Do you know what is happening in this situation?
  • How do you feel the character feels and why?
  • How would you feel if it happened to you?
  • What would you do if it did?
  • What would you do if this was happening to a friend?

These questions are just examples but you can tailor it to feel more natural in conversation. The aim is to discuss the premise of bullying, and reassuring them that there are people that can help, and that they should share their experiences with you, or their teacher if it happening to them.

If you are talking to an older child, you can use a real-life experience case such as from a magazine, podcast, or TV programme, to help engage in conversation and see it from their perspective. In such cases, the stigma of asking your parents for help at an older age may be something you need to tackle. You can share experiences of even adults being bullied, or those who feel pressured despite their maturity, and how reaching out for help is not something that should be shunned or looked down upon.

You can share vulnerability of experiences you have been through, or ones you are aware of to show a level of trust within your relationship and to make them understand that it can happen to anyone, and the support is there.

If you believe your child is being bullied

It can be heart-breaking when you know or suspect your child is being bullied. You may want to march down the school, or confront the bully, however this is probably the last thing your child wants. The main thing you firstly need to do is talk to your child. Be there for them, and listen carefully to what they are saying. Do not interrupt them angrily or make them feel as though it is their fault. Be reassuring, attentive and heard. It is vital that your child feels as though they have a safe space where they can share their experiences and concerns, and if you are dismissive or abrupt with them, this can lead them to keep things hidden from you.

Once they have shared the details of their bullying, let them know that it is not their fault and they are not deserving of it. Ask them what they would like to be done about the situation first and foremost. Never encourage them to physically hit their bully, or verbally abuse them in return, as this will further exacerbate the issue.

Explain to them the benefits of speaking to the school, although they may feel uncomfortable at first with the idea. They may fear further implications from the bully and that is why it is important to take it one step at a time. Each bullying scenario is different, so the severity of it differs, so if you believe your child is in immediate danger then alert the school, and remove your child from harm.

However, if the bullying is in the infancy stages, and they would not like to school to know immediately then you can work with your child to practice ways where they could reduce their bullying. Encourage your child to build resilience through body language and confidence. Often bullies will say or do something to get a reaction, so encourage your child to join clubs and activities that will help build confidence within themselves.

This is not always the case, and therefore alerting the school or your child’s teacher about bullying is an important step. Every school has an anti-bullying policy, which is a step in the right direction. Make an appointment with the head teacher or your child’s school teacher and discuss what it happening and discuss ways and steps which will be taken to protect your child. If things don’t improve immediately, make sure you notice down any incident which has occurred which can later be referred to.  

Although most schools will work tirelessly to resolve bullying, in the case where you feel enough is not being done to tackle it, then you can make a complaint. Click here to learn more about how to complaint and how to seek advice before doing so.

Cyberbullying has become more prevalent, especially as more time is spent online than ever before. Cyberbullying includes sharing, sending, or posting negative or harmful content which can cause embarrassment or humiliation. Common places where cyberbullying can take place is social networks, gaming networks, forums, instant messaging and email. Although it is difficult to completely prevent cyberbullying there are ways where you can work towards preventing it. Educate your children and teenagers on online safety, and catfishing. Also, protect their accounts with passwords, and make them private so strangers can see all their content. Also, remind them to keep their personal stuff private, such as address, phone numbers and email address.

Seek help

ChildLine:

ChildLine is the UK’s free, confidential helpline for children and young people. They offer advice and support, by phone and online, 24 hours a day. Whenever and wherever you need them, they’ll be there. Call 0800 1111. They have a designated page for bullying issues that includes a new video about building up your confidence after bullying.

NSPCC

If you’re worried about a child, or even if you are unsure then you can contact the NSPCC helpline to speak to one of their counsellors. You can call on 0808 800 5000, or email [email protected]