World Suicide Prevention Day, 10th September, raises awareness to create a world where fewer people die by suicide. Losing someone to suicide is painful, often it comes as a shock and has a devastating impact on those left behind. For someone you love to share their thoughts or urges to commit suicide can be difficult. It may come as a shock, or it may be a struggle you have been aware of, that they have been battling with for some time.
There is a stigma attached to not being okay, especially within Muslim communities where the issue of mental health isn’t spoken about as much as it should be. However, not speaking about such important issues, further adds to the issue. People feel as though they have nowhere to turn to, and fear judgement.
Although, we cannot change an entire society overnight, we can do our bit within our own homes, families and circle to begin with. If someone is struggling, then reach out, listen and be there for them. It can make the world of difference.
Listen attentively
A suicidal person is often struggling with something they feel like they can’t handle anymore. It may have gotten too difficult to deal with, or they see no way of moving forward. Although it sounds simple enough, listening to someone attentively is not something we are accustomed to. Our regular conversations comprise of a phone glued to our hands, stealing our attention. This can make the person talking to feel less important.
When having a conversation with someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, your phone should not be seen or heard. Find a quiet place to talk, where you won’t be distracted, and where the person can open up, without fear of not being heard. Sit directly in front of the other person, and maintain eye-contact. Let them speak without interrupting. At this stage, you are not offering guidance or advice, but merely someone who is listening. Try to avoid comparing their experience to your own and do not attempt to solve their problems. It is really important not to criticize or patronise them, or dismiss the extent of how they are feeling.
If you feel it comes naturally, you may nod reassuringly. The main thing is make sure the person feels comfortable, heard and understood. Do not rush them or feel obliged to interject, to fill the silence – it may take them time to express their thoughts and it may be very difficult for them to articulate how they have been feeling. Use open-ended questions to encourage them elaborate further. Sharing their problem can help lighten their load. Reflecting back what they have said and validating how difficult their experiences can feel, can really help them feel listened to and understood.
Try and try again
Although you may be willing to listen, your friend or loved one may not want to open up. It can be difficult to talk to people about how you’re feeling, especially when it comes to suicide. People feel as though they will be judged, or worse ignored. They may have had previous experiences that have shaped their view, and led them to feel that they cannot confide in anyone. Only when the person feels safe, and trusts you is when they begin to talk to you.
If, at the first attempt, they are not willing to talk, then don’t give up. Be careful how you interact with them, as you don’t want to come across forceful or aggressive; this will push them away further. Keep your tone soft, sit with them for a while in your presence, and let them know that you are there, and ready to listen, whenever they are ready to talk. If they are not comfortable opening up to you, then just knowing that you are there for them can still have a significant impact. Sometimes just being present with someone, when they feel unsafe, is more than enough.
Be non-judgmental
People may stop themselves from saying things, or sharing their thoughts because of fear of judgement. This can be dangerous when dealing with someone with suicidal thoughts. Having a space where someone is able is share their concerns, worries and thoughts, without reservation, can help lighten the load, and reduce the burden they carry. If they feel that they will blamed for having such thoughts, then they won’t share them in fear of judgement. Don’t be afraid to ask them how they are feeling or if they are feeling suicidal. Let them know that you care, that they are heard and not alone, and that they are not to blame. Empathise with them, and if it helps, reassure them. It can help to focus them on getting through the next hour, or day.
Help them stay safe
Sometimes suicidal thoughts may just be passing or impulsive. For other individuals, they may have a more serious plan they have been deliberating upon. Whatever the case, you can try to keep your loved one safe in the short term by remaining with them and talking to them. You can try to direct them to seek professional help, via their GP or one of the crisis helplines or services at the end of this blog.
It can also be really helpful to support them in creating a crisis plan. Check in with them, as they may have already prepared one with a mental health professional that they are willing to share with you. Crisis plans are safety plans detailing what support would be helpful for them in a crisis point. This could include not being alone, removing certain items that they could use to harm themselves, talking to someone such as a family or a helpline, or reminders about what could help them stay alive (like family or specific reminders that help them). Make sure you include the contact details of anyone they would find it helpful to speak to at such a time. It could also include distraction or self-soothing techniques that they have found useful. These could be things like going for a walk, spending time in nature, drawing, reciting Qur’an, reading a book or watching something. You can find some more ideas of distraction techniques here but it is important the person identifies what works for them specifically. People in distress can often find it helpful to create a self-soothe box, with items they find comforting or distracting, so they can return to it in moments when they are in crisis.They can also do this on their phone on the Stay Alive app.
Seek help
If you believe someone is in immediate danger, then contact emergency services, you can call 999 to ask for an ambulance, or take them to A&E at their local hospital.
You can also suggest that they can contact one of the following helplines:
National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7).
Papyrus HOPELINEUK If you’re under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call on 0800 068 4141 (weekdays 10am-10pm, weekends 2pm-10pm and bank holidays 2pm–10pm), email [email protected] or text 07786 209 697.
CALM – Campaign Against Living Miserably You can call on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you are struggling and need to talk. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.
Samaritans: Any time, day or night. Call 116 123. It’s free, and 24/7. If you need someone to talk to. You won’t be judged or told what to do.
NHS Urgent Mental Health Helpline – This helpline is for all ages. You can find the one suited to you by clicking here. You can call for 24-hour advice and support – for you, your child, your parent or someone you care for; to speak to a mental health professional; an assessment to help decide on the best course of care
Send a text: Text “SHOUT” to 85258. This free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging mental health support service is run by a charity called Mental Health Innovations.
Muslim Youth Helpline: A helpline any day of the week between 4pm and 10pm. You can call at: 0808 808 2008.